The Ravens win big/ the team celebrates all night/ nobody got stabbed!
Star football player/ now has 99 problems/ but a… well, you know
It’s a slow news week/ when everybody knows/ Roker pooped his pants
First week back at work/ skipping through the office halls/ with ten extra pounds
More hockey cancelled/ Gangnam Style’s one billion views/ were the Mayans right?
People bundled up/ running around and shopping/ just like that monkey